Thanks, Halibut!

Hey people, are you still there? I wouldn’t be surprised if you are not as I’ve been a little slow with updates of late. I guess that’s because there is nothing to update on the main event, my book! This process is long and I’ve not heard anything back yet.

However I remembered that I said I would be sharing my musings, so here goes. In our children’s book collection we have, in my opinion, the underrated classic Halibut Jackson, by David Lucas. Seriously, this book is beautiful in every way. From the illustrations to the sentiment, we love it and I would highly recommend it. It’s about a little man that is extremely shy and likes to blend into the background, that’s all I will say. Go and borrow, beg or find to read to your children, it’ll put a smile on your face.

Reading this book again reminded me that I was painfully shy as a child and occasionally now as an adult. My mother would shout ‘what are you trying to do? Get back into the womb’ ‘Urrghhh, well yes I am actually, it’s bloody scary out here!!’. I was her shadow and could not bare ‘normal’ social interactions.  Anyway, I felt the urge to write about my experience of shyness and would like to share with you all. I’m no poet but I guess it is a form of poetry as it’s my self expression.

My shyness….

My shyness muddles my thoughts and mutes my self-assurance, it drowns my confidence in a sea of uncertainty. I feel hesitant.

My shyness has a vice like grip around extroverted me.

My shyness silences my voice, but allows the myriad of words to stumble clumsily from my lips. I feel flustered.

My shyness has a vice like grip around extroverted me.

My shyness isolates me from society, making me feel derelict within yet content with the familiarity of me. I feel safe.

My shyness has a vice like grip around extroverted me.

My shyness is the armour around my heart, the heart that yearns to be opened, to love and be loved. I feel detached.

My shyness has a vice like grip around extroverted me, like a veil over my eyes my shyness allows me to see objectively. I feel humbled.

All of my young life I have hated my shyness, it literally paralysed me at times. I could not speak up in what I believed in. I’ve been ‘doing’ adulthood for a while now, and whilst I do not do it perfectly, I have managed to work alongside my shyness (wine sometimes helps!) and I truly believe it keeps me grounded. The word humble has many negative connotations, I do not relate to any of them. I do not feel inferior to anyone but I am not arrogant and appreciate everyone and everything, no matter how small, insignificant, grand, almighty you might think you are. As Shakespeare famously said ‘All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players’ – If you know the quote you know what I’m trying to convey, we all play different parts but the reality is we are all the same.

So I’m humble (with an overlay of shyness).



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