The phrase ‘showing your true colours’ in my experience is often used in a negative way, to highlight all the flaws of an individual. However over the last few months I’ve realised that it is these flaws that make us who we are. Whether you love me or hate me, I’m imperfect and I’m OK about that. I am not here to be a cookie cut shaped woman who bends at the knee. I’m just here doing ‘me’ and you are there, doing ‘you’.
One of the many inspiring women that I follow on Instagram is Lucille Loveday. This woman is all about the empowerment of women, the struggle, the love, motherhood, sisterhood and everything under the matriarchal sun. She is the epitome of modern feminism, in my opinion. By following her, it has ignited my inner she-wolf. She’s always been there, just comatosed after years of indoctrination. Thank you Lucille for being you, keeping it raw and real and reminding me of the brilliance of womanhood. I am here to tell my story. To allow you to witness my growth as a writer. My fear is indescribable but it is this fear that keeps me going, I genuinely thrive off of this energy and believe me, it keeps me humble.
At the moment I am waiting to hear whether or not I have been selected by Penguin to attend one of their insight days. This potential door opener would enable me to meet with editors and other aspiring authors, something I have never experienced and to be honest didn’t think it would be possible until I heard about the scheme. The wait has been agonising to say the least but it has encouraged me to focus on other things, so here I am writing to avoid taxing my mind on thinking ‘Have I been selected?! ‘
So the point of this blog was to share my true colours. I’m not really good at describing myself so prefer to use analogies. My sun sign (astronomically speaking) is Scorpio, I can identify with many of the said traits but I’m sure many people who are not Scorpio can do the same (hahaha) but anyway, I get enjoyment from astrology and it inspired me to write the following piece:
Mars & Pluto
Release the magma from within, Mars.
Let it erupt into the atmosphere and transcend to the icy plains of Pluto.
In time you will see the beauty of your anger as the Phoenix rises from the ashes.
What does this even mean? Scorpio is ruled by two planets. Mars and Pluto. Mars being hot, fiery and the leader whilst Pluto is dark, cold and all about transformation after death. I often feel that my own character is a little Jekyll and Hyde, one of my imperfections, but hey it’s me and I accept it. I often have this internal conflict with myself, tearing myself up to pieces until I either crack and diminish or erupt and ascend. I take it as it comes and try to learn from all of my experiences. One moment I am full of confidence with my writing and the next I am teetering on the edge waiting for Penguin to confirm if the door will be opened for me.
What are my true colours, you ask? A typical rainbow trying to shine through the aftermath of rain. Neither perfect weather but beautiful none the less.
Stay tuned, I’ll update after 16th August.