Why are endings so difficult? I find it difficult to end a lot of things, reading a ‘good’ read, I will eek out the final pages. Don’t get me started on food, I eat so damn slow because I like to savour every grain! The same applies with my writing, my children’s book still needs revising after receiving a cold reception and I am on the home straight of completing my novel with only 20,000 more words to write (based on my outline).
The ending of the novel was always going to be a struggle for me because the story is based (drum roll please) on my life, and I don’t mean to point out the obvious but you may have noticed my life hasn’t ended. So I am trying to figure out how best to close the book, which chapter in my life would I like to end the story at, or do I leave it open?
Earlier in the year I blogged about the inner child. I am a 31 year with a very young mind, often juvenile but I enjoy that part of my personality. It’s important to me to try to keep my life light and to be fair I believe children have the best philosophy towards life – keep it simple and have fun! Why do we as adults confuse things?
Now let me tell you how I realised one of my childhood dreams of playing Mas in the Carnival parade. Yes I done it, and it was one of the most empowering things I have done in a long time. The rejection from PRH did dampen my spirits but I had other positive things such as playing Mas to focus on which helped me to keep looking ahead. My children and I enjoyed ‘family day’ on the Sunday and we saw the traditional parade. My daughter absolutely loved it and danced all day with a smile from ear to ear. My experience on the Monday is hard to describe. I felt truly connected with my culture, the sun was beaming so we could have been on any Island and the beats of the soca music vibrated through my body mimicking my heart, releasing good old endorphins. I was pumped but it was a natural high that I’m guilty of trying to create through drinking wine (shock horror!). I won’t go too much into the negativity reported by the mass media, I personally think it’s propaganda to help shut down a gathering of people enjoying and celebrating their culture, but I can say all I witnessed was love and good vibes.
Back to how this relates to my story! Being in the Carnival reminded me of a time when I was in Trinidad and Tobago. I refused to participate or enjoy the Carnival which is truly a shame as T&T is where Carnival originates from. This is retold in my novel but I hold negative memories about that time so I guess my inner child wanted to recreate and make a new memory to overwrite the bad one. Does that make sense? Anyway it worked and now I am underway to completing the final chapters. I have one more writer’s initiative scheme up my sleeve too which I will fill you in closer to the time. The deadline to submit is 20th September so I better crack on!
Thanks again to all the wonderful people reading this and spurring me on, it means so much to have supportive people in my live.